


Did.. I do something wrong?

by Anonymous



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Squip, Dead names being used, Depression, Emotional Abuse, Homophobia, Jeremy fucking up, Jeremy's mom is a fucking cunt, Jeremy's mom is extremely homophobic, M/M, Referenced Eating disorder, Vent Work, broken relationships, mentions of danganronpa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-01-15 15:00:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12323355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Haha, I sure love projecting my feelings onto jeremy.Because I fucking hate myself, and fuck everything up.This is a vent seriesAll the stories are actual issues I've taken from my life and put them on the internet in a way people can read them. Obviously they aren't as graphic as my life is, but it has its moments.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about all my vent fics. I'm so fucking stupid, and cannot do anything right, and fuck everything up.  
> I'm such a piece of shit, and I honestly want to cry until I can't feel any more.

Jeremy sat back on his bed, giving a very long, and unsettled sigh.  
He didn't know what he did wrong.  
What the hell did he say.  
What the hell set Micheal off so drastically.  
What did he do wrong.  
He didn't really want to scroll through their conversations right now, because of how his stomach twisted and turned, threating to push him over the edge, loosing his meal.  
He pulled his knees up close to his chest, wrapping his right hand around his legs, and pushing his left hand through his messy mop of curly hair. 

He sat in that position for a couple of minutes, trying to let his nerves and stomach settle. 

He should be used to these Tiff's by now. He really should. He knows that him and Michael get into these kinds of arguments, where Micheal says to not contact him.  
And he doesn't.  
And usually it lasts for a while, which makes jeremy feel even worse.  
It was a punishment after all, so it really should make him feel worse. 

He knew he deserved this, because he hurt someone he loved. He didn't deserve to be taken back right away. 

Hell, he would even go to the extent of saying Micheal doesn't even deserve someone like him. 

All he does is upset him. 

And then they go without talking for a few weeks,, even months sometimes.  
And Jeremy watch's Micheal from the sidelines, conversing with other people.  
There would even be times jeremy would purposely try to interfere with Michael by accidentally bumping into him in the hall..  
Which would result in Micheal scowling at him, and moving around him. Or if his friends? Where they his friends? Where with him, he'd just simply make a dirty remark to the other, leaving jeremy to just nod and continue on. 

He really loved Micheal.  
But his stupid, clumsy nature fucked everything up.  
He was hurting his best friend by saying the dumbest shit on Earth, and then quickly trying to make it up by cracking a joke to go along with it. 

But it never worked out. 

He just sighed, slamming his head against his bedroom wall, knowing what he had in store for the next possible month. 

The love of his life punishing him. 

And, by this point, jeremy was numb to it. Well, as numb as it could get. He no longer cried when Micheal ignored him in the halls, or at lunch. He just felt a knot tighten in his stomach.  
Of course his voice would waver, but he never cried. 

He just picked up his phone, opening up the messaging app, writing out an a apology to Michael, maybe hoping somewhere Micheal would accept it in the morning. 

He knew his chances where low, but he wanted to at least make up for being a piece of shit.  
I mean,, that's all he could really do right then and there.  
And even if Michael didn't accept his apology, he had a month of neglect ahead of him. 

A month of no human contact, little food, and lots of skipped school. 

He just wanted everything to be perfect for Michael.  
Maybe, he'd even work on his mannerisms again..  
Maybe no be so rude next time, and learn when to stop. .


	2. My phone keeps dinging, but there's still not a message from you..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just decided to turn this Inti a huge vent fic thing.   
> I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now, and actually cried myself to sleep last night.

Jeremy sighed.   
It had been almost a week of micheals non stop neglect.   
But it was fine.. 

Right? 

He had tried to keep himself occupied with video games the past week, with a very on and off school attendance. 

He didn't really want to risk seeing Micheal again until he wrote him again. 

But he couldn't help it.   
Everytime his phone dinged, he'd set down his controller just to check if Micheal had written him. 

Nothing. 

Well, no exactly nothing, but YouTube wasn't what he was looking for. 

And even if Michael wasn't directly texting him, he had micheals posting notifications on, on Facebook, but never bothering to check them. 

Because why would he hurt himself even further by seeing a photo of his boyfriend with someone else.   
Knowing damn well it should be he who's in the picture with Michael.   
But it never was. 

And the times jeremy did check the notification, his stomach tightened, and his breath hitched, trying to hold down a sob. 

It was his fault. He shouldn't cry like a child. He hurt Micheals feelings.   
This is what he deserved. 

Michael has every right to shove something like this in Jeremys face, even if he's not aware he's really doing it. 

He just sighed heavily, setting his phone back on his side table, and picking up his controller.

Because at least he knew the gruesome executions and murder mysterious would never betray him.


	3. Chapter 3

Player One: hey, uhm, sor....

Jeremy's eyes lit up immediately, seeing that Michael had finally wrote him back after almost a month of being ignored.   
Jeremy didn't really waste any time on opening the message. 

Player One: hey, uhm, sorry about this last month. You know, I've been thinking a lot lately about us.. and you know,, maybe we could kind of take a break and see other people. This past month I've been talking to rich quiet a bit, and I think there's something there for us.

Jeremy stared at micheals message for what seemed like an a eternity.   
He wasn't what Micheal wanted anymore.   
Jeremy's breathing became unsteady, trying to hold back his tears. 

Player Two: I accept your apology. But.. when you meant seeing other people, your meaning you want to break up with me? 

Jeremy hesitated to press send, and thought about deleting everything he just wrote, and write something like "I'm sorry! Who is this?" But he couldn't.   
He pressed send (reluctantly), awaiting micheals response, and just hoping he meant seeing other people as in, other friends. 

Player one: jeremy, you know full well what I mean. But we don't have to stop our hangouts. 

Jeremy felt his heart sink into his stomach. 

Player Two: alright..

Jeremy set his phone so the screen was facing his bed.  
He didn't really want to continue his chat with Michelle at this point in time. Right now, he just wanted to curl into a ball and cry.   
Cry until his body went numb. 

Cry until he couldn't cry anymore. 

Because he didn't realize beforehand how much he needed Micheal. He never realized how much he relied on Micheal to keep him happy.   
And that was all slipping away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me still venting.   
> Also these updates aren't in any sort of order, and aren't like in a story type of situation.   
> It's literally just a bunch of small vent writings.   
> This one just happens to be about the issues between jerm and his mom.   
>  (Alternatively, me still venting through Jeremy, because I have a lot of mental issues due to psychological abuse from not only my mom, but my brother as well.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, undertale has such a great soundtrack?? Like I forgot I bought it last year, and like,, I keep forgetting how good the entire album is.   
> Thought I'd share that,, for whatever reason. Gotta appreciate Toby somewhere.   
> So I'm appreciating his masterpiece of album in a vent fanfic note section.

She wasn't that bad.   
I mean,, jeremy had a lot of issues with both his mom and dad, but he never had the same amount of issues with his dad, as he did his mother. 

Although, he always felt like a pile of shit whenever he says he hates her, because somewhere in him he doesn't. 

Like, she could be very controlling and demanding.. and always playing the victim.. making Jeremy feel bad for no reason at all. 

Jeremy sighed, pulling himself from his thoughts. Maybe he could see if he could hang out with her today.

He took a moment before sliding his phone open, and shooting a text out to his mother, asking if they could do something for the day.

His mom replied back with a "I'll be there in a few.. out n about. Good timing"  
Nodding to her message, he pulled Himself off his bed, pulling on a shirt that had been abandoned much earlier in the day, along with one of his boyfriends many jackets that he had "borrowed" from Micheal previously. 

He gave himself a once over in his mirror, before leaving the house. 

He wasn't really sure what to expect from this hang out.   
Being every single time he and his mom tried to see each other, and hang, they always ended up in a heated argument on the drive back to Jeremys house, usually leaving him in tears, as he would rush back inside. 

That's why he would try to hang out with his mom. He wanted to fix whatever the problem they had together. Even if it meant running home from the dollar store, pushing himself against the door of his mother's pick up truck, holding tears back, or yelling back at her, trying his hardest to stand up for himself. 

But nothing seemed to work.   
And he already had a feeling that today's hang out wasn't going to end well. 

He felt a tight knot form in his stomach as his mother's white and gray pick up truck pulled into his drive way, making his way over to get into her truck. 

And that's when the knot began to unknot itself.   
He was greeted with his mother's warm smile. It was a comforting smile, one that sometimes made him feel safe. Well, normally made him feel safe. Unless it was when she was dropping him off at his house, and he was trying to hold back tears. Trying his hardest not to break down in front of her, because all it would result in is her yelling at him even further, so he'd leave her truck, with her trying to give him a warm and welcoming smile, as he pushed down a sob. 

He knew that within a good 20-30 minutes of their drive around town, they'd get into an argument.. 

And oh fucking boy was he right. 

And like normally, he had to choke down multiple sobs, hearing his mother go on a rant. 

 

"You act like everything revolves around you. I sometimes wonder why I continue paying for you to see a counselor. You don't seem to be getting any better jeremy. Jesus Christ, all you do is pity yourself, and I'm sure your counsouler does to."   
One  
"And I don't get it. There's nothing wrong with you. I don't understand what's with you and telling me your depressed, and have social anxiety, and have an eating disorder, when I've seen you act on stage before, and constantly smiling and being the happy kid you are.. and constantly eating junk food, which I cannot even begin to fathom why your father would continue to allow shit like that into your system"   
Two  
"You don't realize that your life isn't as bad as it seems. You act like you have all these fucking issues, when you don't, because you've never had anything bad happen to you before.   
I mean for fucks sake, I was molested as a child, but I didn't need a counselor to get over that. I got over it all by myself, because I don't need someone to feel bad for me. You should do the same. You need to think positive and get yourself out of this funk"   
Three.   
That's as far as he was gonna listen to his mom. 

He let out a shaky breath, praying that the next light they came to would stay red, so he could get out. 

He heard this every week from her.   
And he was sick of it. But, he couldn't hate her. 

Even if she didn't believe any of his mental health issues existed or not. Whether or not she wanted to believe the fact he stayed up every night crying and wishing he was dead, because of the mistake he made.   
Hearing echos in his brain that he was terrible, and should just get it over with already. 

Refusing to eat, because of how bad his body dysphoria and self image had gotten. 

Pushing his friends away, ignoring their texts and calls, wanting to box himself away in his room forever. 

Hell, he was no longer motivated to attend school.   
Mostly due to the fact he had fallen behind. 

He didn't care anymore. 

He found his chance at the red light to jump out and run. 

He didn't dare look back. 

He was less than a block away from his house anyways, so it's not like her extra minute would've done anything for him.  
He just wanted to curl into his blankets at this point, and play his games, and forget today even happened.


	5. I wanna Love my mom, but she's homophobic, and a emotional abuser, so I can't.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -plays dj khaleds "another one" on repeat as I type out another vent fic, because my mom has legit been bothering the fuck out of me-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's gonna be kinda slightly different, because the last one I wrote hardcore bothered me, due to the fact I'm trying to write these vents based off of all the things happening in my life, and because I happened to be trans, it was extremely weird for me to write Jeremy's mom like that, due to my own biological mother being extremely transphonic.  
> So, trans Jeremy in this chapter.

Jeremy slid down his bedroom door, trying to keep his breathing steady, hoping to God his mother wasn't going to do anything irrational. 

He tensed up when he heard knocking on the door. 

He really didn't wanna talk to her.  
"Madison.."  
"No! Just please, stop."  
He felt a knot of anxeity build in his stomach, pulling his legs close "please, just leave" 

"I am your mother, and I will not just 'leave' " she huffed, to what he could presume, her getting closer to the door "I'm so sick of this attitude you've developed young lady"  
Jeremy's breathing began to labor "I am your mother, and I want you to treat me with more respect then some floosey"  
Jeremy pulled his legs closer, trying to swallow down a sob.  
He wasn't going to loose to his mother this easily.  
"I don't treat you badly. You just act hurt whenever people tell you the truth. Maybe you shouldn't have quit your job when you had me. Hell, maybe you shouldn't of even had me, because all you do is use me as a reason of why your life is absolutely fucking awful. I didn't tell you to do Jack and shit" Jeremy pushed out in his best 'im not about to start sobbing' tone. 

He hated how badly she treated him, and no matter what she says, she can't cover the fact that indeed she did/does emotionally abuse him.  
She's just to stupid to see it. 

 

He began to tune her out, keeping himself curled into himself.  
He didn't want to hear her excuses right now.  
Infact, he just wanted to be back with Micheal, curled into the other, as Micheal brushed his hand through Jeremy's messy hair, praising him, and telling him how handsome he was. 

He let his lower lip quiver, as he let out a messy sob, hearing his mother go silent.  
"Madison?"  
Jeremy pushed out another sob just to hearing his dead name being used.  
"Just go, please. I no longer wish to discuss this topic" he cried.  
He just wanted to be alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I started my bad habit of aggressively scratching my face whenever I'm bored/upset/suicidal. Although definitely not healthy due to the shit under your finger nails, it beats my eating disorder by far. Trying to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based off a true story/my absolute sick obsession with The Danganronpa games. Like??? I'm actually hyped for DRV3, for my last Christmas present from my homophobic/religionphobic family, telling me that I'm an awful person if I wish to practice Judaism.   
>  I really wanted this year to be my first Hanukkah, but I guess that'll have to mcwait another year or so

Jeremy groaned, hearing his phone had gone off. 

And at one of the hardest parts (in his own opinion). If it wasn't for the fact he had already failed multiple times that night one saving the survivors in his game from the onslaught of monokuma bumbarding, he threw his grease stained ps4 controller next to him, picking up his phone.   
2:59 AM  
It wasn't anything to important. Just some minor notification from YouTube, he'd check in the morning.   
He let his left hand wander to the side of his face, navigating through his muddled Facebook page, dragging his nails roughly across his face.   
It was a normal thing for him to do.   
As normal as it could be at least. He had dug his nails in to deep before, causing the skin to break, leaving him with a mess of puss and blood ozzing from over due pimples, and disturbed skin. But lately he'd gotten better.   
Stopping when his skin became to sensitive, mentally telling him it was time to quit.   
After his short scratch break, he set his phone back down, roughly to his knowledge being 3:08.  
Picking up his once discarded controller, stretching a moment before starting his game again, wincing every moment or so, lazily jerking his body whenever his face throbbed from the scratch session, causing his preferred character to attack NPCS (not that it did anything to his knowledge) missing the main target at hand. He knew he needed to cut his scratch breaks off, completely. But he wasn't ready to commit to it yet. It was a sick way of relieving stress.   
He'd only keep something like this up until he knew he was getting better..


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tbh, i still wanna kill myself.   
> I'm so heartbroken that all i can think about is hurting myself.

Jeremy let out a sob, wrapping his arms tightly around his small frame.   
Today marked the one week of his break up with Michael.   
He thought maybe by the second day he'd be over it.   
But he wasn't.   
He trusted Michael, but he hurt him.   
He took in a shaky breath, attempting to pull himself up from the foot of his bed, struggling to climb under his covers.   
It felt like just yesterday they had confessed their love for each other.   
Acting like everything would be perfect from then on out.   
But it wasn't, and never would be.   
Jeremy tugged at his greasy curls, trying to find any way to ease the pain. His arms and legs had been littered with deep scratches, along with his neck and face.   
He wanted this to all be a bad dream, and wake up to Michael holding him close to his chest and rocking him slowly but while he spoke soft reassurance into Jeremy's ears, taking in calm breaths, and Michael's scent.   
But it wasn't a bad dream. This was his reality.  
Curled in on himself, snuggled deep in his blanket nest, slipping into nothingness.   
Letting fear and anxiety devour him.   
Letting the sweet taste of suicide enter in through him.   
Hopelessness


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Underline yandere shit??? Yandere Jeremy, because i love yandere Jeremy.

The floor beneath Jeremy was so cold. He gave a small shiver, picking his exacto knife up from where he had left off, dragging it along his thigh, completing the last letter in the name.   
He gave a weak smile, before setting the bloodied weapon down, replacing it with a paper towel and hydrogen peroxide, dabbing gently over his open wound. Of course he hated himself, but not enough to let himself pick up an infection.   
He waited a moment, keeping harsh pressure on his leg before removing the soiled napkin. He admired how beautifully Michael's name looked carved into his thigh. He wanted everyone to know who he loved, and belongs to, regardless of Michael's thoughts. 

Michael was all he had.   
He refused to let any other man have him.

**Author's Note:**

> I try not to vent to much, because I really don't like touching on my romantic relations with other people, because I've already fucked up so many times, that I just really try to stay to myself.  
> I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings anymore.  
> And I just want to be the best boyfriend I possibly can to my girlfriend.  
> Even if that means working on myself, and isolating myself from my friends to focus on her.


End file.
